I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
