Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize