Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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