I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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