So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
