On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just google imaged poop.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
