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she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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