I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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