It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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