well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
