oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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