So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
