I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
