when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
