my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
