Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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