so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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