Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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