Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
