He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
