The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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