Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
