Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
