i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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