She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
