The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize