My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize