If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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