I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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