I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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