yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
