you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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