my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
