xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
