i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm passing your future prison.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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