im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
