I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this just has baby written all over it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
