Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
