Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
