My girlfriend figured out who you are.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
