can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This house was built for laser tag.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
