He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
