I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
