No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
