Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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