the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
