I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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