Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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