I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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