I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
