We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
