your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize