I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
