sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
