if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
