They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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