i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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