He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
