My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
