You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think people are normalizing furries
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
