there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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