he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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